The iPhone 16 is doomed and it’s all Apple Intelligence’s fault

It is now about 15 minutes after iPhone preordering opened and, yes, the Macalope believes we can say categorically that the iPhone 16 line is an abject failure.

Sad. Surely it will be pulled from the market soon.

This might seem early but it is not the earliest an Apple product has been declared troubled by poor sales. In recent memory, the prize goes to the Vision Pro, which was reported to have production cuts in the summer before it was released. Not only that, these “drastic” production cuts were reported to be to 400,000 units. Nine months later, after the Vision Pro’s release, another outfit reported Apple was undertaking “unfavorable” production cuts to… 400,000 units.

Yes, the Vision Pro’s production figures were cut twice to the same number. Honestly, the Macalope’s not sure how you top that. That should be enshrined in the Apple Doom Hall of Fame.

Regardless, it’s another year, another set of iPhones, but the same smell of doom:

“Phone 16 first weekend pre-order analysis:…Pro series demand lower than expected“

Yes, according to Ming-Chi Kuo, both the iPhone 16 Pro and iPhone 16 Pro Max are underselling their iPhone 15 Pro counterparts. Kuo estimated that sales of all four iPhone 16 models reached about 37 million units in the first weekend after Apple began accepting pre-orders, which is down nearly 13 percent compared to first-weekend sales of the iPhone 15 series last year.

That said, the iPhone 16 and iPhone 16 Plus are selling better than the year-ago models.

While first-weekend sales of the iPhone 16 Plus and standard version were up YoY, their impact on total iPhone shipments is limited.

Ming-Chi Kuo, September 15, 2024

Hey, didn’t someone in a dapper suit and adorned with antlers suggest just last week that the standard models would do better this year? Turns out whoever that might have been was right. And remarkably handsome. Fun at parties. Cries while watching nerd movies. Etc.

There’s a fair bit of speculation going on that the problem (assuming there really is a problem here) is AI. Please feel free to make your own Scooby Doo memes of Fred pulling the mask off the ghost and it’s AI. The problem with AI is like a rephrasing of that old joke about the food being bad and coming in such small portions: no one wants it and it’s not coming for months.

“These Two Apple Intelligence Features Not Expected Until iOS 18.2”

Sadly, those two things are not “Any kind of relevance for most customers” and “Not being told to eat a barrel full of rocks and drink a nice glass of liquid soap when asked for easy weeknight dinner recipes”. No, it’s Genmoji and Image Playground, a playground the Macalope imagines you will find connected to Uncanny Valley Grade School in Trained On Other People’s Work Without Their Consentville.

Lotta weird place names in the upper midwest.

The iPhone 16 lineup is a nice set of phones and their sales figures are based on a lot of complicated variables, some having to do with the life cycle of previous phones, inflation, confidence about the future and many other factors. The Macalope, a long-time fan of the iPhone mini, is finally giving up and buying an iPhone 16 but certainly not for AI. For the Camera Control button.

Remember those predictions that AI would drive a super cycle of phone sales?

“Top Goldman Sachs analyst says the world is moving into a new super cycle”

That was January. And here in September…. yeah, looks like that’s not happening. And it’s not because Apple is rolling out these features slowly. Most of AI is just another big tech attempt to cut out the middleman, only this time the middleman isn’t taxi companies or hotels, it’s writers and artists. That wasn’t something people were clamoring for. Don’t be surprised when they don’t rush out to slap down $1,000 for it.