Apple’s week of exciting Mac announcements got off to a rocky start

The Macalope shouldn’t have to list his Apple bonafides. His head is, after all, shaped like a Classic Mac. What else does a guy have to do? Get a tattoo? Because I’m not doing that. Sounds like it hurts.

But let’s just take it as writ that the Macalope generally likes Apple products. The Macalope tends not to use the word “fan” anymore because it implies a level of blind adherence and, to be clear, there have been some bad Apple fans over the years. People who are just bad people and people who act like no one should buy any other company’s products ever, shoehorning Macs, iPhones, and iPads into whatever job requires being done. Clearly, the Macalope has his personal preferences, but he’s long said there are very good reasons to use other smartphones, other computers, and other spatial computing devices. He supposes it’s possible.

Overall, he just likes Apple products better. That said, there are certainly still some things the company does that he finds absolutely baffling. Recently he’s noticed three that have inexplicably continued to get his goat for years now.

Apple’s most frustrating decisions are often just the little things. And, maybe given the state of the world, sometimes it’s just fun to complain about little things.

On Monday, Apple updated the Mac peripherals, at long last changing the Lightning port on the Magic Keyboards and Magic Mouse to USB-C. It changed the ports, but that’s it.

[excitedly turns over new Magic Mouse, sees its new USB-C port] OH, COME ON!

Again, this is clearly not the biggest deal in the world. Obviously. It’s below, for instance, having to figure out which fried chicken sandwich place best aligns with your social and political views. But your mouse needing a dedicated nap time like an irritable toddler seems like a less efficient system than just, oh, finding a way to put the charging port on the front. The Magic Trackpad, for example, has it on the front. The Macalope is not an engineer, nor does he play one on TV (once in community theater), but he’s pretty sure a clever company like Apple could find a way to do it.

Sure, most people use laptops these days so the number of people who even have to deal with a mouse is pretty low. But it is the default mouse for one of Apple’s signature products: the iMac. The Macalope had several of the battery-powered Apple Magic Mice, but he has not bought one since the change for precisely this reason.

Another product he might like to get but won’t is the Magic Keyboard. What’s wrong with it? This one you don’t even have to turn over to see, just look in the lower right-hand corner.

There are two types of people in this world: people who prefer arrow keys in the proper inverted “T” configuration and absolute monsters. Somehow this hellspawn of the 2016 MacBook Pro has not been sent back into the abyss from which it came to stare at nothingness for all of eternity as should be its fate in a just and fair universe.

The Macalope will just keep sending Apple the bill for the repetitive stress of having to reach up to Touch ID on his MacBook Air because he’s not buying this keyboard. The company, of course, will keep shredding them but it’s a fun little game we like to play.

Finally, let’s talk colors. Or the lack thereof. How on God’s green Earth does it make sense to charge iPhone Pro customers more and give them fewer choices in color? Even car companies don’t do that. Base models generally have fewer color options than the higher end. With iPhones, however, Apple’s most expensive models come in colors so restrained you’d think they were trying to disappear into an Ansel Adams scene.

“Ah, the Grand Tetons. So majestic. Beautiful snow-capped mountains over crystal clear lakes and is that a Natural Titanium iPhone 16 Pro in there?”

On the scale of things that matter, these are not very high. At the same time, on the scale of things that would be relatively easy to fix, they’re quite high. That’s what makes it so frustrating.