Suddenly everything Apple touches is doomed

It is time once again to play the hit game show “How’s That Going?!” in which we…

Wait, the Macalope actually already did “How’s That Going?!” And just last month? Huh. Usually, he introduces these things and pretends that he’s been doing them for years when in fact he just made it up that morning right after the coffee kicked in.

Regardless, we have not one, not two but three (3) new entrants into this edition of…

HOW’S!

THAT!

GOING?!

Thank you, Johnny Gilbert.

(Disclaimer: Johnny Gilbert has disavowed any involvement with this column.)

First up, it’s been a good three hours since Elon Musk’s X/Twitter has been in the news. Looks like things have definitely settled down and we won’t be hearing-

“Elon Musk responds to Apple and others who paused advertising on X: ‘Go fu*k yourself’”

Or… or you could do that. Great idea. That will definitely get them to come back.

In an interview at The New York Times DealBook Summit, Musk alternated between hurling four-letter words and very unveiled threats at companies that have abandoned advertising on his platform, going so far as to call out Disney CEO Bob Iger who was in the audience.

There has been speculation that Musk bought Twitter with the sole purpose of running it into the ground. While it’s difficult to say for sure that was his motivation, the ultimate destination seems the same.

Grade: Students of an English boarding school for boys turn feral after a bus breaks down on the side of the road for 15 minutes.

Next, is Apple throwing in the towel on developing its own modems?

“Rumor claims Apple’s in-house 5G modem project is dead before arrival”

Apple’s definitely struggled with this project, but this rumor is also a little “sus” as the kids no longer say and haven’t been saying for years. The Macalope wouldn’t jump to trust a report that sounds like it was written by qualcommsuperfan69@hotmail.com. He likewise wouldn’t count out the chip project that hate built.

Grade: Schrödiger’s project. Quantum state depends upon who is observing it and what their feelings about Apple’s relationship with Qualcomm are.

Finally, The Wall Street Journal reports that Goldman Sachs appears to have finally extricated its ankle from the bear trap that is the Apple Card.

“Apple is breaking up with Goldman Sachs, leaving Apple Card fate in limbo”

You know what they say. A few hundred million here, a few hundred million there, and pretty soon you’re losing some real money. As Goldman grabs two beers and slides down the emergency ramp, it’s still up in the air as to what company might take over the business. Reports indicate American Express and Synchrony Financial are curious about how they might also be able to lose $1 billion by working with Apple, while some have suggested Chase.

A credit card changing issuer isn’t at all unprecedented, but it could mean that some of the terms and conditions may change. If the reports of Goldman’s losses were true, whatever financial institution that picks up the Apple Card would be foolish not to change the terms at least a bit.

On the other hand, though, the Macalope hears doing things for the exposure is a really smert thing to do. All the smertest people do it.

What?

No, those are not typos.

Grade: No, you’re not having a stroke. That toast is super burnt. (Goldman Sachs was the one having the stroke.)

Well, not everything Apple gets involved with is going to be a winner for everyone.

iOS